| irony |
[Sep. 27th, 2006|07:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | ewsleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | angels and airwaves i hat ethem | ] |
my dad wants me out. refer to title
im moving oct 20thish i guess |
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| i |
[Sep. 25th, 2006|07:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | hi | ] |
| [ | music |
| | paramore | ] |
didn't go to school today. fuck
i styaed home&read smashed |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 24th, 2006|07:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | faklsgadgjklafas | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the sleeping | ] |
why are you competing with me over a god damn button up shirt if it “looks weird close up”? honestly.. people and their instincts. fuck thaat. anyways, i'm getting this !
i love it :D |
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| are you sure i'll be okay? |
[Sep. 22nd, 2006|12:44 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | cockazn | ] |
| [ | music |
| | mcr lol | ] |
i do not go down so easily.
life is such a test. a really, really hard algebra2 test for a new born baby. perhaps not as impossible. today i feel better, but lethargic. i am tired, i want to sleep for a few years.
i want to stand and do something great and explore something nobody knows. if you love to do something i guess it doesn’t matter if it’s perfect. like.. living, for instance. i should start loving living. gahh fuck being sad fucking being mad frusterated angry stupidified confused regretful.
i don’t find anyone attractive. why? why why why why.. why? i never did. i don’t think i ever will. maybe i am setting too high of expectations. why?
i am so confused. life is.. blitterating. apparently i made a promise not to hurt myself. why would i do that? i don't do it anyways. |
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| fuck fremont |
[Sep. 19th, 2006|08:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | fuck | ] |
| [ | music |
| | your mom when i shove a pistol up her ass | ] |
the more i hear about suicide the more i want to fucking kill myself. JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT.
things are so frustrating. today was awful. why can't i be perfect? why can't OTHER people be perfect? FUCK.
&don't give me some bullshit about how it'd be awful to be perfect, i really don't give a SHIT!
AHHHHHHHHHH. motherfucking tourettes. i don't know? pros&cons of moving to MN.
pros:
- i will be more happy
cons:
- WHO CARES
no but srsly. they are too gay to list. i wish everyone would just hate me when they see me so i can call them ignorant dipshits, and know that they don't actually have a reason for hating me. i have so much hate in me right now.. and anger. if i could blow up things with my anger.. shiett. i need to go back to counseling. hardcore counseling. i need to cry in front of someone.
i think it's safe to say that naser pushed my day over the edge. thank you baby!
it has come to a time where i imagine what would happen after my death. why don't i have cancer..
why do people complain to me about their lives after i tell them how upset i am? HI, I HAVE MY OWN LIFE TO DEAL WITH. &yeah, they asked. |
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| sand niggers |
[Sep. 17th, 2006|10:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | w/e | ] |
| [ | music |
| | fuck | ] |
i cried today i want to move. next year. i told my mom. i cut my leg. everytime i hear my dad chew with his mouth open i want to throw grenades in my ears. if i don't move i will kill myself. |
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| cane cola |
[Sep. 15th, 2006|11:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blueberry picking lesbian | ] |
| [ | music |
| | issue10 | ] |
 i am hella tired. irritable. depressed. sick. stuffy. cold. bitchy.
friends are so rash, honestly. they talk shit, i talk shit--its really simple. i don't think anyone likes me anymore. maybe i am too paranoid. i feel like i should be in a hospital right now because i am sad troubled worried mad everyday cry everyday. i should be more confident. i wish my mommy were here. i really want to be in pure solitude. i might invest in devoting the whole year to school &being healthy ie working out/eating right. i mean i guess that's simple enough&people do that anyways but i cannot control myself much. i stopped using my myspace today the password i do not know&the e-mail is fake&i already signed out. i am nothing right now. i wonder why people won't realize how much they hurt me until i'm deceased.. really.
boys ruin my self esteem. simple enough. ugly fat words i hear too often. shouldn't be used on anyone.. naser told me that someone killed themselves because they got called "queery mcfagfag" &started laughing &i guess the name is humorous but i am sure that is not the whole story but rather he was called deragtory terms because he was homosexual. that hurts that because you are being yourself you are looked down upon. i really wonder why homosexuality can bother some people so much.. but then again, there is a girl with a phobia of pickles. maybe homophobia is "in". fuck that.
i am reading more. reading makes me feel content makes me feel smart happy. i am afraid that if i read too fast too many books that there will be none left that i want to read that i would read. i'm sure i am wrong but whatever i am still worried. i want to read the perks of being a wallflower over &over again. &my friend leonard, that is proving to be a very good book.
sometimes i feel like my dad does not understand how overwhelmed i am &if he does he does not show it. i doubt he would notice if was self mutilating had an eating disorder or wanted to kill myself. well actually.. no.. he wouldn't. i know from self experience i guess you would say but then again i am a good liar &my parents are gullible to begin with. funny how i don't like to lie but it's a talent all in itself.. sometimes. i can lie about good things. i really want to steal something right now. that's it. bye. |
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moteldevil's journal